I Just Can't Do This-The Struggle to Quit

The reaction to my last blog on "Christians and Drinking" revealed to me that I must continue this conversation with a couple more blogs. I would like to speak to the person who is struggling and failing with attempts to break out of their bondage to booze.

Please, if you are in the camp of "It's okay to drink stop judging me already" please hold your comments until my next blog where I will seek to explore how the Christian should handle their freedom. But for now, please look beyond your freedom and recognize there are many Christians struggling with this very real battle. The two sides of this discussion are not balanced--the lives being destroyed through the consumption of booze far out weighs those whose freedom is being impeded to consume alcohol (without drunkenness) by people judging them. Also, more importantly, the Bible's warnings against drunkenness is overwhelming and exhaustive in contrast to its support of alcohol consumption.

My struggle. I became a Christian in 1996 and my battle with booze came to a climax in 2000. Where did it begin and how did it progress? I know I was drinking in high school. I know that during my high school years I had drank to the point where I vomited on multiple occasions. This cycle continued until I stopped drinking altogether. So as I reflect on this, I realize for the first time that my drinking years lasted about a decade--the 90's. Instead of reflecting on my low-light reel, I want to share some of the emotions I felt during that era and how I successfully achieved victory over drunkenness.

Hopelessness. I think this word best describes how I felt when I was looking at my life in light of the battle to gain control over drinking. My drinking was ruining my life. I couldn't gain control over it and I could see the devastation it was having on my life--an abortion 1994, resisting evading arrest 1995, losing my security clearance 1996 (which meant my life in the teams was over...turns out it was temporary). Do you see the progression here? I didn't like the path booze was taking me down. I wanted off, but I couldn't seem to stop the train. Life was unraveling upon me big time and I was desperate for help. This is when I met Jesus, or when I believed upon Him for salvation.

The slow change. I've heard of people who become Christians and everything changes instantly. This wasn't me. I was more like a huge container ship in the ocean that takes miles to turn around after the course has been changed in the wheel house. God was at work (I can see this in hindsight), but it was hard to see the change between the years of 1996 and 2000. I would have seasons of months of sobriety followed by a crash of binge drinking. This cycle culminated until I felt like I could continue no longer with my dual lives. I was going to church and growing while partying all week long. Finally after a weekend of drinking, I sort of threw in the towel with God. I really liked the hope the Bible offered, but I wasn't seeing it in my life. I could no longer walk these two paths simultaneously. I remember one night checking out with God to tell Him I could no longer do the whole "Christian thing." This wasn't because I didn't want to walk the Christian walk, but it just wasn't working out so I would just stay on the path of partying. Little did I know, but God's Spirit was convicting me and exposing my hypocrisy. The anguish I felt inside was really a good thing as it forced me to confess and to call to Him for help.

Tell it to Jesus. If you are in a season of hopelessness with drinking. Know there is hope. Jesus can and wants to help you gain victory over this through His help. In the recent years, I have come to love a hymn that gives very practical advice. Wow, tears are welling up just reading through the verses of this hymn.

Are you weary, are you heavy hearted?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
Are you grieving over joys departed?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus,
He is a Friend that’s well known.
You’ve no other such a friend or brother,
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Do the tears flow down your cheeks unbidden?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
Have you sins that to men’s eyes are hidden?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Do you fear the gathering clouds of sorrow?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
Are you anxious what shall be tomorrow?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Are you troubled at the thought of dying?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
For Christ’s coming kingdom are you sighing?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Don't under estimate alcohol's danger. I never considered myself an alcoholic, nor am a sure I buy into this teaching. Namely I hear people who have been Christians for many years and have drank in decades and they still label themselves as an alcoholic. The Bible is clear: You are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). But alcohol is as addictive as any other drug--I just think it places its choke-hold on a person slowly over the course of years. I have done visitations with people in the hospital going through detox when they stop drinking. It is just as ugly as all the big drugs like heroine and others.

Don't be a lone ranger. This is not a lone man's battle. Find others to encourage you, to pray for you, and to help you stay accountable along the way. You may even need medical treatment if you are in the advances stages of alcoholism. My victory over alcohol came in large part through the help of like minded buddies who want to win this battle as well. I encourage you to find a good church where the Bible is taught and the people are loving and sincere. This is a good step.

What's your Kryptonite? I eventually had to evaluate how I was losing this battle. I traced back my steps to figure out what tripped me. I realized there were people I had to avoid because when I was around them I wanted to drink. This was hard because as a new Christian these were friends that I wanted to share Christ with, but it wasn't my time for this. I really needed to work on my walk with the Lord. This was hard, but looking back now, I realize I am still friends with these friends. Some are Christians now, some are not, but I am no longer a slave to booze and can be around them and not stumble. This is my theme verse for this season of my life, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you you but such as common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:12-13).

Press on, don't look back. Looking back on the past tends to cause two reactions in people: 1) Shame and discouragement that they will never succeed, or 2) a prideful spirit about how righteous they are. Rear view mirrors are good and I am not opposed to using them, just don't live your life looking exclusively in the rear view mirror. We must look forward like Paul says, " Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:12-14).

What have you found helpful in your battle against drunkenness?